Picture blog :)

This was from the 1st of July. I got blisters on my fingers, but cheered it up with Hello Kitty and Sharpie smiley faces. :) Childish of me.

Hehe, I look strange... This is a cute thing I found (it was on the bathroom wall for ages then broke so I took it) and put it on my wall. Ad astra per aspera! :)

You have to admit I own a cutie... :) (Oh no, there was an awesome Bryn-made hat on the floor. :/ I don't like it being on the floor, makes it look disrespected.)

Never will you see a picture of me looking "normal". Never. (Yes, I have a bracelet-making bag and hang it on my wall :))

She's trying to convince me she's innocent. Hahaha. Yeah, right. 

First ever picture seen of her, put in the first page of my photo album. :) This makes me incredibly happy to have. (It makes Seren fairly happy, too!)

I tried drawing her... But she was outside at the time, and I didn't feel like looking at pictures of her. So I messed up on her leg markings... (They aren't supposed to have tan points that big...)

Drew my brothers role-play cat for my brother... The nose looks like a cow nose and the shoulder is in the wrong spot... ^^; (Yeah, he's a fire god, so there's fire. xD)

Ugh... I've taken about 5 pictures of this and none of them show it in good quality. :| I guess you'll just have to see it in person, Bryn!:) (Yes, this is the "oh so amazing" book I made. It's clipped to a half-bracelet I made, the bracelet string wasn't long enough to make a bracelet OR necklace.... That and I have no necklace chains...)

Yeah, most people I know hate eye-makeup. But I felt like putting eye-makeup on when I woke up this morning. Deal with it? :)

Cautiouspaw reference sheet... :| Bad quality camera...

(You know you love how I explain each and every picture. :D)

Makeovers, late night posts, and family rants.

Makeover!

Salve! 
So I keep visiting my blogger and like all the people I'm following have stopped posting. O_o Post more :) Hehe.
Anywho I had something to talk about heh. 

So uhm, despite feeling somewhat less stressed and more optimistic, I've been searching for hours a day for something to lecture on. Can't find one, so I was wondering if maybe I should give my whole blog a makeover...
There are two types of blogs I've been imagining writing. One is like "Hyperbole and a Half" where I write random funny things and maybe draw pictures. The other is like "Color me Katie" because she has a way of making people smile. :) But I feel like a thief if I steal someones way of blogging...
So what should I blog about? :O (my blog also needs a new look, I'm gonna change that sometiime... Kidding, I've been procrastinating all month.)

Oh! Another thing. 
Sorry for all my late at night posts! :O 11:00 is the time I go to "bed" then I always stay up until about 1:00 reading or writing, forgive me :P
But that schedule will change soon, trust me :) I'm making a whole REAL LIFE schedule in my head :D

Also I feel like writing random stuff here.
Like about family. 
Honestly, who likes their whole family? Well, I imagine you could, Bryn:) Yours is fun. 
But my family has been screwed up the past few years :0 
I especially hate family reunions. Aaurgh! Anyone with me there? I hate the month July because that's "family month" D:
We have a Hickenlooper family reunion early July, and my dad is in his (insert average grandfather age)'s so all his siblings are about 60-70 years old, which means they have kids about 30-40 years old, who have kids about 0-10 years old. So, not that I would hang out with anyone, but there's still nobody my age! (except my half-sisters daughter who goes to my school, but she's all... Not my friend type. D:)
Then late July is the (insert my "real" last name here because birth certificate people messed up and gave me my mothers last name) family reunion. I used to always look forward to them, despite the 8-hour-long drive from Utah to Nevada. Then the past two or three years things have been messed up for me :/ There used to be three cousins I loved hanging out with, (Alicia, Iris and Ivy) but then I "grew up" and didn't want to be friends with them young'ns. -.- Alicia is 12, Iris is 12, and Ivy is 9. I used to babysit Ivy every single day, so we were close. But now I don't talk and all my family disrespects me! D: (except my aunts, they're weird and like touching my face and telling me I'm pretty. Lol anxiety much.) 
I guess you could also blame my non-excitement on:
Grandfathers death last year,
and how I had PLANS for the ending of July but they were probably crushed by the reunion. D:

Soo I guess I'll stop writing and like... Post this... 
I'm still supposed to be doing:
Picture blog on necklace,
Signing up for teenink,
and finishing making a schedule for life. 

Self esteem, story, and a necklace :)

So, hey guys! Well... Yeah, the three of you. Today I thought up a new problem it seems everyone has!... Sort of. I think I've written a few blogs about it before... BUT ANYWAYS!

Self esteem. Low? High? Average?
For most of my friends, it's very low. I guess it's just like that--- you undervalue what you are and overvalue what you aren't! (forgot who said that quote.)
I guess mine is on the low side. But c'mon, look at your positives and ignore them negatives!
Today I was going through my old pictures of myself and thought, "Dang, I was a hot kid!" haha just kidding (honestly I was ugly until I turned 11). But seriously, I looked at my recent pictures and my self esteem went on this random roller coaster. (sound fun?)
I thought, "Dang, I actually look good!" Then I thought, "wait, isn't it bad to have a high self-esteem?" I have no idea why I thought that! I guess I've read several places that "beauties have low self-esteems and uglies have high self-esteems" or something. But whatever. There is no ugly in my world! ... :) You're very pretty. I know that because my friends are the prettiest people in the world! >:D :)

So yeah... I have a mirror on my closet door, and it's in a spot I can see myself laying on my bed typing this. (OOOHH MY IPOD IS SHINING ON MY FACE!) Whenever I wake up I see that mirror, and this thought goes through my head: "I think I'm pretty." 
(well I don't really see myself because my light is always off, but whatever I can see a reflection XD)
You're pretty too ;D THERE IS NO UGLY IN MY WORLD!! Come join my world, I have cookies (: (you can't have any though.)

---
Oh, the dashes! That means a new subject, yes? Yes!

So my close friend (you're totally reading this) told me I should upload my short stories onto my blog, so here I go! But first let me note a few things:
- I write very depressing things. XD So if you don't want depressed then skip to the next three dashes or close this blog :) (unless you're heartless like me and these things don't depress you ^_^;) (what, it's not even the first story I've written about cancer :p)
- That last note was a lie, it isn't depressing yet.
- It's still just a jumble of words and ideas! ;D I was just writing down what came to mind. So it's sort of rushed. I'll fix that soon xD
- Slash things /like this/ mean "italic text" because most programs I use don't let me do italic, and I'm too lazy to edit this blog before I post XD (I write on the Notes app on my iPod, so yeah :P)
- I'm really obsessed with the name "Aliki" because I have a friend named Aliki. This would be very awkward if she saw this HAHA.
- Like, yeah that's all :) I'll post the story now:


Soundless footsteps shifted clumsily about the grassy floor. Cobwebbed branches of an old tree mercilessly tore up the soft, pale skin of a young child. Screams were not heard; they were non-existent. Thoughts rolled around, throbbing and echoing through her head. Where was she? When did she get there? /How/ did she get there? 
The girls (insert anger at self for not knowing if this is "girls'" or not) cloudy eyes shifted quickly around the forest. She wanted to shout out, but her vocal chords ached. 

Everything was quiet. Not a sound was heard. Where was her dog, the one that never left her? Where was the jingling of his tags as he ran beside her? An emptiness filled her gut. Her dog never, /never/ left her. He was more loyal than that!

Then she woke up. Alone, as always, laying in a hospital bed. Oh, no, what had happened this time?
Well, let me explain. Let me tell you a side story.
This young girl, seven years old, is a cancer sufferer. Her name is Aliki Jae, and she's in the hospital often. So what does she do when she's alone? What does she rely on for survival? Dreams. Dreams help her through life. 

You may ask, "does that hospital /really/ let dogs stay with patients?". The answer is no. 
Aliki's dog, Adrian, lives in her house with her father. He's in every single one of Aliki's dreams, though.

I should probably add this to the side story; Aliki's parents split up when she was two years old. She mostly lives with her mother and brother, and only visits her father and dog once every week (but only if she isn't at the hospital).

---
Story over! Bah it was boring right? Right? ;D Hah. Anyways, let us move on to a new subject! (insert wooshing noises here and fly to new subject.)

Soo. I cleaned my room the other day and it put me in a maker mood. XD 
Guess what I've been working on for a while and just almost-finished?
A pretty book necklace charm! :D I found a broken, old pencil sharpener and was desperate for scissors so I took the blade out of the sharpener and cut fabric, then put it on the book (with glue XD) and now it's really really pretty :) (how ironic is it that I was searching for scissors all day, then after I cut the fabric I found a pair of scissors on the bathroom counter? XD) So yeah, I'ma post pictures sometime... It still doesn't have its pages in it though because I can't sew so I have no sewing kit, so I'm gonna have to find a needle and stuff to put simple stitches in... How fun XD But yes, I'm quite happy with my li'l journal book :) 
But right now it's 2:58 in the morning (insomnia much?) so I'm just gonna go to bed then like... Wake up and upload this XD (Whoa I go on about nonsense when I'm tired.)
SOO I'M AWAKE AND HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME. ;D I just got a chance to write this so yay xD So it's 4:03 PM aaand I've been working on the necklace book! ^^ It's about 85% complete. :D I put in a bunch of pages, but had no needle so just wrapped thread around the middle and tied lots of knots in it, it sort of works ^^ Now I just have to add the metal thing-a-ma-blob and the clasp, and it will be 90% done, then write something in it and it will be 100% done! Yay! So I'll post pictures... Like... Whenever :) (gonna take the pictures in a while, then go through all my uploading stuff and y'know, upload it here. XD)

Recent drawings :)

Soo my close friend (you're reading this, I just know it ;]) asked me to put up my recent drawings because I was talking about them, har har... So here I go :D Like... Yeah... NOW I WILL POST BECAUSE I'M MAGICAL LIKE THAT...

That one might look a little "wait, what?!" but it's my story character and her younger brother swimming. xD I was basically just attempting to get the proportions right, and making them swimming was the least-awkward position I could manage, haha. Adrian (the li'l kid) looks awkward, though...

Here's another!

I was attempting to draw a family, haha... I couldn't get myself to draw eyes, and any dogs I draw look awkward now, I apologize:)

Yay for people without legs? 

So this one is Dakota, he's supposedly sitting down and backing away in disgust, but I was too lazy to draw legs... You know me, lazy lazy :)

Yay! Conner! :) I was trying to experiment with shading and all on the skin, so he's blushing haha. (A few of my favorite artists who draw in "this style" use that kind of shading-stuff :])

I started drawing my friends :D! This is a school-friend of mine, Maggie! She's a ninja ;) (Attempted a "chibi anime" style, so the head is pretty huge... XD)

This is Maggie's friend, Anna. She had me draw her and I don't even know her! How amazing is that? :)

By BFFLOTWWWTMMLALFAAFAAHFAAEIITAFAY, Sierra! :D Ain't she a cutie? :)

A role-play character, Clarissa! :) I personally like this drawing, haha. But I like most of these drawings I'm posting... So yep :)

Last one for now! This is Conner again :) He's really quite messy-looking because I was holding a camera-iPod with one hand, recording this iPod with my other hand, while using both hands to color it! So yeah, hah. (I was trying to show "how I draw/color" but ended up deleting the video... XD)

Currently working on a few more drawings, I'll have them up sometime :) But not right now... Because they aren't finished. :P

Too lazy to hold a grudge on life.

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011. 11:47 pm. Anything unique there? Nope! Just wanted to add it to this blog so I had a "note" (app on iPod :]) open to begin this blog. ;) So yeah. 

You know what I like?
I like re-reading old conversations. 
Old blogs, facebook conversations, e-mails, texts, you name it. :) You know why? Because... Haha I don't know. Whatever!
Anyways! Oh, the dreaded "anyways" conversation topic changer! OOHH IT'S 11:50 I SHOULD BE SLEEPING :)
.. oops haha got offtopic again.

ANYWAYS!! Today I was feeling blue (or white. Or black? Maybe purple. Pink sounds okay too. Let's just go with blue!) and re-read all of my blogs. 
Oohh, fun.(;
You know what happened next? :)
I went on google. Ooh, google! So fun! ;)
I looked up everything from "quotes about happiness" to ... Well really I just looked up quotes. Haha. 
Then I realized how great life is. What do people hate about it? Don't hold grudges on things like that! Don't take it seriously, nobody gets out alive!

... Have you noticed my unseriousness? ;) Know what that means? HAPPY MOOD!!! :)

Hey look; two un-important blogs in one!

Terrified. 

I'm terrified. I'm terrified of meeting people. I'm terrified of bonding with people. I'm terrified of talking to people. I'm terrified of getting/bonding with pets. 
Why?
Because I know they'll all leave. I know something will go wrong. I know I have problems. 
It's all my fault if anything happens. Why was I so excited to get a new puppy? Things are going wrong already and it's only been a month. They're not terribly wrong; but I fear something happening in 5 months. It's happened with my last 3 dogs, they left six months after we got them. They left to my worst enemy; death. 

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Invisible. 

I'm invisible. I'm not human. I have no needs. I have no feelings. I make no impact on this Earth. You'd all be happier if I was never born; if I never came into your life. Actually, I'm still wondering. What? What would the world be like if I never existed? What would happen if I died? This blog is supposed to be a happy, "live each day like your last" blog; why'd that attitude leave me? Why am I so depressed recently?
I have so many questions. They'll never be answered. 
Why?
Because I'm invisible. 

My life...

This year has been unexplainable for me. There has been so much stuff going on...
First off:
Last year, five days before my birthday, I stopped talking. I've never been able to explain why; it just happened. Well, this year I found something out that explained my WHOLE LIFE. 
I'm electively mute. 
This is an anxiety disorder, where I can only talk in some situations. For me, those "some situations" are through writing-- But I've found I can't talk to EVERYONE through writing. That's another thing. 
So I said it's an anxiety disorder, right? Well, I'm anxious around adults. If they laugh at me or try to talk to me or touch me, I have no idea what to do. Or when people hug me or, pretty much just touch me I freak out (with a few exceptions, like people I've known for a while that are under 17 years old). I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. 

Elective mutism is because I've never been socialized. (Nice one, parents...) So I've always been anxious in social situations, which caused parents to laugh at me which made me more anxious and stuff... It's NOT because I'm stupid, it's because I've never been socialized. It just happened. There's not much more explanation to that. I'd suggest looking up on google if you'd like more explanations. 


It'd be nice if everyone stopped talking about me not talking; because that's what lead me into depression. Yes, I am depressed. May not look like it, but I'm pretty much broken. It just gets worse every time someone teases me about not talking- which happens a LOT.

...
On a happier note on this blog, I'M GETTING A PUPPY!!!