Terrified.
I'm terrified. I'm terrified of meeting people. I'm terrified of bonding with people. I'm terrified of talking to people. I'm terrified of getting/bonding with pets.
Why?
Because I know they'll all leave. I know something will go wrong. I know I have problems.
It's all my fault if anything happens. Why was I so excited to get a new puppy? Things are going wrong already and it's only been a month. They're not terribly wrong; but I fear something happening in 5 months. It's happened with my last 3 dogs, they left six months after we got them. They left to my worst enemy; death.
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Invisible.
I'm invisible. I'm not human. I have no needs. I have no feelings. I make no impact on this Earth. You'd all be happier if I was never born; if I never came into your life. Actually, I'm still wondering. What? What would the world be like if I never existed? What would happen if I died? This blog is supposed to be a happy, "live each day like your last" blog; why'd that attitude leave me? Why am I so depressed recently?
I have so many questions. They'll never be answered.
Why?
Because I'm invisible.
What would happen if you were never born? Well, first of all, I would die. You are my only friend. You are like my head. You can tell me what I like about myself. You can also make me laugh. You are like my only HUMAN I can talk to. You do have a reason here on this earth and do you want to know what it is? To pass a test. To see how well you do here on earth. You need to realise something. Not everything is always about socializing and bonding. Everyone has their own ways of communicating and everyone is different. Email me, k?
ReplyDeleteWhat would happen if you never been born?
ReplyDeleteI'd be more of a social wreck if you never came into my life. All the times we talked just over the internet I'd be sitting in my chair shaking like my life was going to come to an end because I didn't know how to react to just talking to people over the computer. I'd always erase messages I'd think about sending to you because I have a fear of saying something stupid that will make me look like a fool and I'll be hated, I still do that. Over the years you've proven yourself to be a true friend, and when I look back on my childhood and how shitty it was, it would have been ten times worse if I'd never knew you.
You were the reason I made a few friends in fourth grade. You taught me how to react to others and even helped me to accept myself. You taught me that not all people were so positive, kind, and caring. I was an emotional wreck at fourth grade until I started to remember talking to you and the social skills I'd picked up, it saved me from having a bad year at school. The school where everything was innocent. You've also helped me though this last year of school, thank you. <3
Also, the only reason I'm able to speak to people NOW is because of how me, you, Josh, Sabrina and everyone else would talk over Skype. That's the only reason I was able to even hold a small conversation with people. You've been the best help anyone could have given me though life, you're more supportive then my family.
You even introduced me to true role-playing. You went with me to Warriorkitties and helped me though the stress from that site. You understood everything PERFECTLY. If you weren't for you I wouldn't just be really bored from not being able to role-play but I would never have gained all my life skills from Warriorkittiez fall. That site taught me not to care what people thought about me, and it's because of you I did that.
You always understood me, Kathryn, you always supported me no matter what it was about. Always, and I hope that I've done the same for you. It makes me upset thinking of the time I actually didn't spend all that time on the computer when I hung out with Alexis because I ignored you. I ignored you to hang out with a bitch who just betrayed me. You've never betrayed me, nor do I think you ever will.
Remember all the people who say'd we wouldn't be freinds this long?
My whole family told me we wouldn't ever be this good of friends.
Chrisie, Mom, Grandma, Papa, Jessica, Josh, all of them.
And we've proven them wrong for being friends for AT LEAST five years.
5-7 years, Kathryn.
I'd go with five-six, but it could be seven.
Six sounds about right though.
Six years, Kathryn.
Six years.
Thank you for the most wonderful six years of my childhood. Things will only get better as well~
Remember, never think about suicide (Though I doubt you would.)
I'd rather live a living hell for five more years then feel fifty times the pain for the rest of... forever.
I always say that, but the truth is if I never met you I seriously doubt I'd still be alive today. In all truth if I had to go though life like I do now without you in my life, I probably would have found a way to kill myself. Now I just find it stupid, but I really believe I would be dead if it weren't for you.
Here is one life that you saved.
Do you see how loved you are? Live your life, without fear. We love you.
ReplyDelete