I'm a hypocrite.

A message for two people who will never read it.


I love my life. 
Is that wrong? Is it bad to love life?

I was having the worst month last month... I hated my life very much. 
I'm excited to say I've gotten over that stage; thank you for helping me. 
You helped me, even if you don't know it. 
Sabrina...
We were "best friends", as we called it. We told each other everything. 
Y'know, though... You know too much. You always stressed me with your knowledge. "Don't color on your arms, you could get skin cancer. Go eat now or you'll get anorexia. Why are you so happy? Are you high? So what are you going to be when you're older? You don't know? Well, figure it out or you'll fail at life."
Thank you for that. You made me aware of my life. 
Then we stopped talking on February 15th, because we got into a fight because I'm friends with some people you don't like. 
I went into severe depression that night, but you know what? You came crawling back. On February 21st, you asked if I wanted to be your friend again. 
I didn't care; why not make friends with everyone? 
So the next day you decided not to be friends. You called it "giving up" on me because I "won't succeed" when I'm older so "why bother".
I called it "Whatever, I still have more friends."
So we haven't talked since. I don't want to talk to you ever again. 
Y'know why?
Because when I talked to you, I was stressed all the time. When I talked to you, I was depressed. When I talked to you, I felt stupid. 
Now I have more friends. I feel better about myself. I love life. I love myself. 
Thank you, though. You really changed my look on life. 

Well, now for the other ex-friend. 
Ivana...
Hey, you. Did you know you've really been pissing me off recently. You just pop up. Everywhere. Y'know what, though. You didn't change my life at all. 
Like Sabrina, you stopped being my friend the same day. 
On the 15th you said something. That something has been with me ever since. Y'know what you said?
"Give up. You don't deserve a dog."
Thanks, I wanted to kill myself. Please don't talk about Riley like that; "You kicked him in the face. You killed him. I don't care if he was stupid, that's abuse. Don't like abuse? Don't do it."
Well, you know what? I didn't give up. That made me want a dog less, yeah. I didn't give up, though. I gave some money away, and I gave up on my grades. 
On Sunday, though, I changed my mind. 
I had a conversation with my sister. She gave me hope on it. I swear, I am getting a dog this year. I'm catching up my grades, buying dog supplies, and I've got a pup in mind. 
Ivana, I want to talk about you more. I want to tell you something. 
I put words into a song generator; it came out in a way that spoke truth. 

It began on a pointless evening:
I was the most idiotic person around,
She was the most awesome person. 

She is my enemy, 
My only enemy,
My ex-friend,
Oh, Ivana.

We used to like each other so well together,
Back then.
We wanted to chat together, around the world,
We wanted it all.

But one evening, one pointless evening,
You two decided to chat too much.
Together you and Sabrina teamed up against me.
It was uncool, so uncool.

From that moment our relationship changed.
You grew so hideous.

Just then it happened:

Oh no! Oh no!

She said it. 
"You don't deserve a dog."
My enemy hurt me.
She hurt me badly. 
It was stupid, so stupid.

The next day I thought my soul had broken,
I thought my life had burst into flames,
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)

But still, she is in my thoughts.
I think about how it all changed that evening,
That pointless evening.

My head... ouch!
When I think of that Ivana,
That ... That Ivana and me.