I wish

I wish
...
- That I could post my blog I've been writing since yesterday; I'd feel too judged if I did.
- That I could motivate myself to do schoolwork.
- That I had more faith in myself.
- That the world was a better place.
- That we could all be happy.
- That there were no wars.
- That everything was going better than it already is.

Now, how much of that can we change?

Average? I think not.

Not your average teenager. 

Hey one, or two, or three, or fifty readers. 
This blog entry is about complaints about differences, so yeah :] Don't expect a lecture about optimism in this blog entry. Mm. 

Differences:
1.) I haven't talked for, what, 400ish days. 
2.) I have horrible hearing. 
3.) I have double joints everywhere. 
4.) I'm about 5'8" and about 140 pounds. 
5.) I'm a lefty. 
6.) My brain is more on the right side than the left side. 
7.) I'm homeschooled, always have been. 
8.) I have 8 siblings. If I count my half siblings then I have 17 siblings. 
9.) I'm depressed but at the same time I'm optimistic 
10.) I got all A's on my last report card but feel I could do so much better. 
11.) I'm such a nerd that I can use my calculator to tell all types of stuff. 
12.) I was born on a Friday. 
13.) I love bragging about my state having the highest literacy rate in the nation.
14.) I'm VERY unsocial. 
15.) My last dog was born 26 days before my two before that died. 
16.) The last 3 dogs I had, I only had them for 6 months. They died 6 months after puphood. 
17.) I'm 13 and try acting between 15-19 because of my ex friend trying to change me into an adult before I was 13. 
18.) I use a lot of online "faces" and realize when numbers (eg. "18.)") look like faces. 
19.) I don't like people knowing I care about myself. 
20.) Today I got at least 4 compliments on my shirt. New record for one day!
21.) All of my friends are online and I've only met 1/15th of them in person. 
22.) I really really want orange converse shoes. 
23.) I spend half of my day in my room. 
24.) I haven't had a nightmare in a year. 
25.) I have a very low self-esteem. 
26.) I smile about 12 hours every day. 
27.) I haven't had tears to cry since my 12th birthday. I didn't even cry when my best friend / dog died. 
28.) I only cry over stupid stuff (like being yelled at) and the crying only lasts about 12 seconds before I'm out of tears. 
29.) I'm autistic. 
30.) I love lip syncing so much. 
31.) Whenever I open my mouth I get a huge grin on my face for no reason. 
32.) Whenever someone texts me, no matter who or what it says, I start laughing. 
33.) I get really happy whenever I get a Facebook message, email, Facebook comment, blog comment, etc.

Friends. There 'til the end?

Have you ever been scared and not known what to do?
Maybe. Maybe a parent died, maybe you had to take on a giant responsibility. Maybe something else. 
Have people ever pressured you to do something you really wanted to do but didn't want to do? Were you in a giant argument with yourself, ever? Have you ever felt depressed for no reason? Do you feel unaccepted for your flaws? Have you ever been lonely?
Welcome to my life. 
Welcome to all the pain and depression, the arguments and the negatives. Welcome to the darkness, the unknown, the unaccepted. 
Sometimes all you need is a friend, though. Sometimes a hug, or a compliment, or help on your homework. Sometimes you just need to take a breath and keep calm. 

I'll try to be that friend you need. I'll try to be the one who hugs you, helps you with your homework, and gives you personal therapy. I'll be your doctor when you need one, your advice giver, your pet, your listener. Just open up to me, and let me love you. 

Sometimes the best therapy is a friend. 
http://www.quotegarden.com/friendship.html

(P.S. This blog was going to be about not talking but who cares about that anymore?)